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1、Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
嗯，今天我们尝试手淫是为了钱。
2、Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
是的，它告诉我们，你参与的群众文化有个错觉，以为太阳的视位置相对于任意星座的定义你的出生，在某种程度上影响你的人格。
3、You did not “break up” with Joyce Kim. She defected to North Korea.
你没有与乔伊斯·金“分手”。她叛逃到北韩。
4、Ah gravity, thou are a heartless bitch.
啊，地心引力，你是一个无情无义的婊子。
5、Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale.
向我解释一个组织系统，在那里一盘扁平餐具在沙发上是有效的。我只是推测，这是一个沙发，因为有证据表明咖啡桌上有一个小车库出售。
6、I am truly sorry for what happened last night. I take full responsibility and I hope it won't color your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover.
我真的对昨晚发生的事情感到抱歉。我承担所有的责任，我希望它不会影响你对伦纳德的看法，他不仅是一个好男人，而且我听说，一个温柔而周密的爱人。
7、At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.
只是你现在还能从燃烧的废墟里找回装满对她美妙幻想的黑匣子，好好分析下数据你就不会再坠入“呆子谷”。
8、I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.
听着，我认为你能跟Penny做爱的几率跟哈勃太空望远镜发现在每个黑洞中央都有个小人在用闪光灯寻找断路器的几率一样大。
9、There's always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgment on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening.
酒精加上她一时糊涂总有可能让今晚成为浪漫之夜。
10、There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked.
如果那该死的死亡放射线能用我就不会挨打了。
11、I thought she was a highly evolved creature of pure intellect, like me. But recent events indicate that she may be a slave to her baser urges.
我以为她是个高度进化的纯高智商物种，就像我。而最近的事件表明她也许不过是个屈服于低级欲望的生物。
12、If the correct way to do it is the wrong way, then I yield.
如果胡来才是正确的方法的话，那我闭嘴。
13、Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
谢耳朵：剪刀剪纸，纸包石头，石头砸蜥蜴，蜥蜴毒死斯巴克，斯巴克击碎剪刀，剪刀砍断蜥蜴，蜥蜴吃了纸，纸反驳斯巴克，斯巴克蒸发石头，最后就是一直都那样的，石头硌坏剪子。
14、Howard is teaching Sheldon Chinese.
Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.
霍华德：话说，你终于要学普通话了我还真高兴。
谢耳朵：为嘛？
霍华德：等你说顺溜了，有十多亿中国人民等着你去烦，你就不用来烦我了。